Be Professional

This summer my group and I were preparing to make the long trek back to our rooms when I spotted one of my biggest pet peeves in the world: the irresponsible youth minister.  He had chosen to demonstrate his unprofessionalism by jamming nine of his students in an SUV and then topped it off by riding on top of the vehicle with his legs hanging in the sun roof.  I did not hear any ambulances in the next few minutes so I assume that he made it down the incredibly steep mountain just fine, but damage was still done.

There is a difficult balance that all student ministers must manage.  We want to be cool, hip, and laid back.  However, we also want to be respected and trusted.  Unfortunately, in trying to develop our appeal to our students, we tend to lose our influence with the parents and church leadership.  The sad part is that our lack of professionalism so often diminishes our effectiveness in ministry.  When it comes to acting professionally in ministry, here are a few things to keep in mind.

1. Being young is not an excuse.  This is the regular excuse that is offered for why youth ministers tend to do really stupid things.  I’m not sure why this would work in our ministry context when it would never fly in most professional careers.  Imagine if a young doctor or young accountant showed up whenever he or she wanted to.  Imagine if they were the people doing wild and crazy things in the office during business hours or in staff meetings.  How long would they have a job?  Why is our standard for accountants, store managers, or lawyers higher than our standard for ministers?

2. Being a minister means setting an example.  In addition to the fact that you are teaching and living out the gospel, you are also setting an example for your students.  You are responsible for showing your students what it looks like to be a follower of Jesus.  This means that you must have personal standards that reflect faith in Christ.  It also means understanding that students are always watching you whether you are online or at a football game.

3. Just because you work with teenagers does not mean that you need to act like one.  Again, there is a difficult balance when it comes to working with teenagers.  I love to do some of the things that my students do like go to high school football games or play Call of Duty online.  I also realize that things that teenagers like to do such as pranks, breaking traffic laws, and listening to profane music are pretty much off-limits if I want to have influence.

4. Ministry jobs are actual jobs.  If you want to get paid and desire job security, it would probably be great to complete your job related tasks.  While ministry means hanging out and preaching the gospel, it also means planning, paperwork, and communicating.  If you don’t want to work in an office, become a volunteer.  I get so tired of hearing about youth ministers who are the class clowns of their church staffs.  Wouldn’t it be great if the student minister was the most organized one on staff?  Let’s raise the bar a little bit.

Relationships (The Romantic Ones)

When I was in high school, dating and church seemed to go right together.  During my junior and senior year, our youth group was essentially a spin off of the show Friends with everybody having dated everybody at some point.  There were more love triangles on our trips than there were Bibles.  This type of thing was never really encouraged, but I can’t really recall anyone ever addressing it either.  Unfortunately, this prevalence of relationships most often resulted in drama and pain rather than spiritual growth and community.

When I came to Bluegrass, I hoped that we might be able to avoid this pitfall.  Fortunately, we have not really had this issue.  I’d like to think that it is somewhat due to my efforts in helping students acquire a healthy perspective on dating.  It’s not that I think dating is evil, I simply find it to be unwise if the couple fails to keep their relationship in perspective.

If you ask many of our students what I think about dating in middle school and high school, they will likely say that I think it is kind of stupid.  And I do.  Besides the fact that only about 0.1% of the high school couples will get married, I also think that dating has the ability to take over a kid’s life, lead them into temptations, and skew their future relationships.

Romantic relationships, particularly within the church group, also create a whole new avenue for drama.  Recently we had a guy who just sat by himself in the corner for a whole night refusing to be a part of the group.  Turns out one of the girls in the group decided to stop texting him that day.  Having experienced what I have and having seen what I have, when dating does arise in our group, I have a simple guideline that I ask to be followed.  I ask that if a romantic couple forms in our group, that they would meet with me for a quick ten minutes so I that I can remind them of a few things such as:

  • Church events are not dates.
  • Physical contact and church events don’t really go together.
  • They are responsible for not letting this relationship cause drama while they are together or when they break up.
  • I expect them to be able to act as independent people in separate groups and at events when necessary.
  • They are not married, nor should they act as if that is the case.
  • I want them to make wise choices when they are together and always honor their parents’ wishes in their relationships.
I don’t mean for this to be an embarrassing thing, but I do want the students to understand that they are engaging in something that has consequences and needs to be handled carefully.  Relationships are a big part of the student experience, and I want to help students develop a healthy perspective on this big issue.  I love helping students understand the Gospel and what it means to follow Jesus, but I also think that it is part of our role to speak truth about some very practical life issues.  With all of the messages that they receive from the world, it is important to use our influence to help them navigate and make choices that will honor God in all that they do.

5 Things Every Youth Worker Should Know

Dear volunteers,

I know that volunteering with students is a “hit the ground running” type of experience.  It is busy, intense, and tiring.  I appreciate that you have dedicated your time and energy to our students.  With all of the craziness, I want to press pause for a minute and let you know some things that you definitely need to know in order to maximize your ministry with these students.

1. The times before and after events and programs are extremely important ministry times.  Some of the best conversations that I have had with students occurred while they are waiting for their parents to come and get them.  There is tremendous value in the downtime.  We are geared to think that our task begins with the opening prayer or when the clock hits the start time, but the truth is that our task begins the minute that we come into contact with a student.  In fact, it might begin as we prepare our hearts the moments before we arrive at a program or event.

2. Never show that you are disappointed in attendance.  I want to set a record in attendance every time we meet.  Unfortunately, this is just not always a reasonable goal.  Inevitably we will have nights where only half of the regular crowd shows up.  We will have events where half of the registered students fail to show up.  The challenge is to push for every kid to come and then be excited about the ones who do show up.  Showing disappointment in attendance is a killer, and the students will shut down if they don’t think that you are excited that they came.  If I hear a student saying that the group seems small, I quickly let them know how excited I am that I will be able to spend more quality time getting to know the students in the smaller group.  The key is for you to also believe that and be happy about it.

3. Engage. Engage. Engage.  There are two types of youth workers. One type gets the job done, keeps the peace, and assists with all necessary tasks.  The other type does all of the things above and stays engaged with the students.  We really want our volunteers to be the second type.  To become this, you need to know what engaging students looks like.  It means sitting with students around the table rather than congregating with the other adult leaders.  It means asking students questions about their week or what they are learning.  It means shooting basketball with them in the gym rather than watching from the sidelines.  It means participating with abandon during activities and games.  It does not mean always having to be the life of the party or having something cool to say.  You see, it is much easier to just be a chaperone, but we are looking for mentors.  We need volunteers to demonstrate love and concern for our students.  We need students to know that you are there for them and not there to make the program work.  The good news is that you can stay engaged with the students and still maintain crowd control or facilitate an activity.  In fact, the better the relationship you have with the students, the more likely they are to work with you rather than against you.  Sure, it’s draining to discuss the appeal of Justin Bieber or why the Clone Wars is awesome.  It is also incredibly rewarding to know that you have made an impact on a student’s life simply because you sat with them and were interested in their day.  Do you want to know the secret of my popularity with the students?  The secret is that I have invested my time in getting to really know them, and, because of that, they know that I care.  Use this secret and you too will be one of their heroes.  It’s actually amazing at how easy that can happen.

4. You are doing incredibly important work.  How can cleaning up spilled Sprite for the tenth time be incredible work?  How can playing capture the flag with students be important?  Sometimes volunteers feel like they are just filling space.  You are not filling a need, you are literally changing lives and drawing students closer to Christ.  In my mind there is no greater task.  As there are many parts of the body, there are many parts or roles that must be filled to meet the needs of our students.  Relish your role and the opportunities that God has given you to minister.  On a side note, when I begin to feel like I am simply making things happen and not ministering, I actually stop what I am doing and ask a student how their relationship with God is developing.  This allows me to gain focus on why I am doing these things in the first place.

5. You will have significant impact if you see yourself as a youth worker on our “off days”.  Go back to your high school days.  For some of you it might take a while.  Just kidding.  Now imagine that it is Saturday and you are sitting around watching a movie on TV and the phone rings.  It’s your Sunday School teacher just checking in with you and asking you how the game went last night.  How does that make you feel?  Loved?  Important?  Here’s the thing, if you want to really demonstrate investment in the lives of the students that you are mentoring, you will be more effective if you see the calling as something organic rather than something scheduled for Wednesday nights at 6:30pm.

What a Summer!

Student Ministry in the summer is one of my favorite things in the whole world.  I love that the students are available to just hang out.  I love that we are able to mix up our schedules a bit and change pace.  I love seeing the growth that students experience from our summer programs and events.  I also love that it wears me out.

We had a great summer complete with an in-depth Bible study, camp, and mission projects.  It was fun, exhausting, and stretching.  As always, we wanted to spend some time thinking about what worked and what we can improve.  As we worked to evaluate the summer, there were a few things key things that I wanted to make sure that we accomplished.  Here are the questions we asked:

1. Did we help students grow in their faith in a special way?  Our goal was to give students opportunities to grow in their faith that they might not be able to have during the school year.  We wanted to take advantage of their open schedules and their energy.

2. Did we open the door for new students to become involved?  We wanted to do things that encouraged fringe students to get plugged in and find a connection.  We also wanted to create environments where students wanted to bring their friends.

3. Did we develop students as leaders?  One of the messages that we put out there this summer is that students, particularly older students, need to start realizing their leadership and the disciple making abilities.  We want them to understand their role as mentors and influencers.

4.  Did we find a balance between discipleship focused events and fun-oriented events?  Trips to Holiday World are great and provide positive memories and connection, but we did not want the summer to only be about being entertained.  We wanted students to also experience mission work and encounter a picture of faith that requires sacrifice and commitment.

As we evaluate, I feel like we accomplished most of what we wanted to accomplish.  We built momentum for the school year, and time will tell if some of the things that we did actually have born fruit for our students.  I am hopeful that the growth that we saw in the students will manifest itself into lifestyles based on Christ.

Helping People Understand

Over the past few months we have experienced a new dynamic in our student ministry.  We have started to see the need to spend even more time helping people understand what we are about and why we do what we do.  A few things have caused this to be the case.

  1. The honeymoon has faded.  I was blessed to have people excited that I was coming to BBC to serve as student minister.  I worked hard to have a plan for the student ministry and wanted people to see me as both professional and relational.  This worked to essentially give me free reign as I started shaping a student ministry that had experienced some challenges and decline.  I had a great deal of support, and I was given freedom to grow as a minister.  Three years later, we have to continue to keep our vision and values in front of people.  Our parents need to be reminded that we still have a plan and a purpose for what we do.
  2. New people showed up.  Again, this is a huge blessing.  Whether it has been the new students coming to our church or the students moving up from the children’s ministry, we have a ton of new faces who have parents who did not get to hear all of my fun ideas and hear my heart for students three years ago.  These parents don’t automatically have trust or understanding of what the student ministry is all about simply because it is new to them.
  3. Student ministry is always changing shapes.  As we grow and develop our strategy in the student ministry, there are always areas where we are tweaking and improving things.  This means that programs have changed over time or have been replaced based on the needs of the students.  While our core values are the same, some of our events or programs now meet different needs in our student ministry.

So what do you do if you need people to buy into your ministry and the difference that it can make in the lives of the students?  I have found a few things that have really worked for us.

  • Over-communicate as much as possible.  Have information in the hands of the parents as often as possible.  We send multiple reminders about programs and events to the point that I assume people are sick of hearing from me.
  • Make the entry easy.  When someone enters our student ministry, we go heavy on the introductions to what we do and why we do it.  I typically touch base with new student ministry parents about three times in the first couple of weeks.  When students are entering middle school, I try to touch base individually with each set of parents to let them know a little about what to expect.
  • Get questioning parents involved.  We have some great stories of parents who were not sold on our ministry becoming total advocates for us once they plugged in began serving alongside us.  Sometimes there are simple misunderstandings.  Sometimes parents have not considered all of the angles to why we do things the way we do them.
  • Cast vision regularly and be available.  These two things have made a huge impact.  Most of the time people just want to know that you know what you are doing and have a reason for doing it.  When parents hear the vision, often they are impressed that we have spent time thinking about their student’s growth to the degree that we have.  Similarly, when parents know that they can ask questions, they have a much greater chance of coming to you with a problem before it grows into a ministry problem.
While it may seem exhausting to continually put the vision of the ministry before people, I have found that it is actually energizing and opens the doors to some great conversation.  If we really want parents to partner with us, we will also need them to trust us.