Author Archives: Josh

Is a conversation good enough?

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Here’s a hard truth for us as ministers: sometimes a conversation is not good enough.  In an age of relational ministry, sometimes we think that this approach means that all we have to do is talk to our people about the weather or sports or how school is going.  If we complete a good round of small talk, then we have done our relational duty and have gotten our folks on the path of spiritual growth.  Because the goals of relational ministry can be difficult to define, we often settle for much less than the best.

There are certainly some very positive aspects of being relational in ministry.  I would be much less effective if I only spoke at my students rather than with my students.  I value the opportunities to demonstrate concern for my students by asking them about their lives.  In fact, I frequently mention to our volunteers that some of the most important ministry times are those times before and after an event.  Demonstrating our concern and interest in people’s lives is definitely a calling for ministers, but sometimes it is not enough.

As you read through the Bible, it does not take long to see that those who were specifically tasked with doing God’s work often had to speak difficult truths, say unpopular things, and confront in uncomfortable ways.  We also see that we are asked to speak truth in love to people.  As ministers, we are called to do these same things today.  When we fail to do these things, we are essentially giving our stamp of approval to the way that students are living their lives, even when it does not honor God.  We must be willing to put light onto the areas where they can grow so that they can advance in the journey of their faith.

Here are a couple of examples of what this might look like.  We had a student who was in a very unhealthy romantic relationship, and it was obvious that this student was heading down a destructive path.  With all of the love and concern I could muster, I simply let the student know that I was concerned and that I would love for the student to spend some time considering where the path that she was taking was leading.  Another student we work with has had a difficult time with the issue of cheating.  While it was uncomfortable, we pointed out that this was not something that would help the student in life or in the student’s faith.  In both of these cases we did not seek to condemn or to shame, but we wanted to simply do our part in sharing truth with the student so that they might be able to make the right decision.

Speaking truth is difficult, but it is our calling.  Sometimes a conversation is not good enough.  Sometime God has called us to do more than that.  However, if this is going to work, we had better be sure that we have established a relationship with the student through a heart of ministry and a God-given desire to see the student become all that he or she can become.  It may be that the truth you speak will change the course of their lives.  What an honor.

Making Disciples

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Here’s a scary thought: You can have a good youth ministry that never makes a single disciple.  All that a “good” youth program requires is energetic programs, lots of kids who are friends with one another, and some cool events.  Of course success here would be defined by things like attendance or how much kids enjoy the program.  One of my fears in leading our ministry to students is that we might work too hard to have a good program rather than working to make disciples.  Here are a few  dangers inherent in student ministry that can force our focus off of disciple-making.

  1. We want students to want to be there.  Nothing wrong with this, but it gets a little confusing when we tell the congregation that church is not about them and the student ministry seems to be saying the opposite.  It is so tempting to cater to what kids want so that they will participate in your ministry.  I had a student tell me that he was going to go to a new church because they had a Wii and an Xbox 360.  Truthfully, my first thought was to figure out a way to get a PS3.  My second thought was how sad it was that this student bought into the idea that the church is designed to help him have a super fun time.  I want students to like being here, but I want them to like it because they recognize that it is making a difference in their faith and their lives.
  2. We have really cool ideas.  I’m an idea guy, but sometimes I have to realize that while my ideas could make my ministry look newsworthy or unique, the ideas actually do nothing to build up our students.  It’s hard to pass up flashy curriculum or a cool event, but the focus needs to be on what will build our students up.  Truthfully, sometimes it is just  an easier sell to get kids to a movie rather than a food bank.  When I consider the events or plans that I come away feeling the best about, they almost always are those that focused the most on discipleship.  Some of my most encouraging times in ministry have been sitting around discussing the Bible rather than playing laser tag (though, I do love some laser tag).
  3. We must feed the machine.  Our student ministry is pretty complex.  We have worship, small groups, retreats, camp, mission projects, Bible study, and a church volunteering program.  It takes a lot to make this work.  Unfortunately, there are times that we are so focused on keeping the programs going, that we lose sight of the people who come to the programs.  When I was a new minister, I would often be running around crazy trying to make sure things were all set for a Wednesday night or an event.  Rather than greeting students or sitting and eating with them, I was busy getting things loaded or printed.  It’s a painful experience to realize that your main concern was the program rather than the people.  Making disciples is a relational activity, and our programs need to reflect that reality rather than take away from it.
  4. We think that a student’s attendance reflects his or her spirituality.  Bad news, a student can come to every program you offer and never grow one bit in their faith.  We probably think this about the adults in the church, but do we also realize it could be true about student ministry as well?  Books such as Almost Christian and Soul Searching have demonstrated that many very active students in our churches have very little ownership of the faith they claim to be living out.  Discipleship is not a passive activity but an active one.  The only way to gauge how our students are growing is to have conversations.  We are finding it more a more important to do check ups to see just where our students are in terms of maturing in their faith.
Making disciples is a high calling.  We have a significant responsibility to make the most of the time we have with the people who God has entrusted to us.  This task is much easier when we keep our main task as our main task.  When we can make people the priority, we open the doors to leading people to the life that God wants for them.

Pitfalls of Ministry: Pride

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Here’s a mystery: Why do people called to serve others by sacrificially relying on the power of God get so puffed up?  One might think that a person who is called to ministry would be characterized by humility and grace, but it seems that there is a real danger for ministers when it comes to pride.  The temptation for pride can be found in any job where you lead people, particularly when you are out in front.

So how can you protect yourself from this pitfall?  First, remember that you are completely dependent upon God.  If you can consider the fact that anything you do is solely enabled by God and not feel humbled by this, then you have a problem.  Second, stop worrying about whether your shirt is cool enough or if anything you do is cool enough.  I have seen so much posturing at conferences and minister gatherings that you would think it was a group of competing rock stars not a group of ministers who have each been called to proclaim the Gospel.  Other ministers or churches are not your enemy nor are they your competition.  Trust me, when it comes to discipling people, you already have enough competition.  You don’t need more.

You Know What I’m Talking About, Right?

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I grew up with parents who were ministers. I went to a Christian university. I went to Divinity School. I am a fairly avid reader. These things have combined to give me a terrible tendency to think that people know more about the Bible and theology than they actually do.  There have been so many times when I have used a word that nobody in the room understood.

For whatever reason, I have come to a point where I assume that people know what words like sanctification and exegesis mean.  Does this mean that people are inferior because they lack knowledge?  Does it mean that they have failed to become educated on these important matters?  No, it means that I am weird, a good weird, but weird.  It means I have been fortunate to have been able to dedicate a chunk of my life to understanding what these terms mean and to learn the language of theology and Biblical studies.  It also means that I have been given the honor and responsibility to become the educator and explainer.

It’s funny how easily we can forget that there was a time when we didn’t have the answers either. Now that I have two kids, I find myself answering people’s baby questions more often. When new parents ask me about sleep schedules or when to start potty training I have to remind myself that, at one time, these questions would have been as foreign to me as asking me to name the official flower of Lichtenstein (Gentiana, apparently).  I remember seeking to be licensed by our church while in college and not knowing how to answer a single question on the theology questionnaire that the church asked me to fill out (it was probably good that I was not licensed at that time).  Some things are still necessary to teach, even if you have already mastered them yourself.

What I need to remember is that people experience the same thing with the Bible.  They simply don’t know what we are talking about.  I’m not talking about stories in the Bible like David showing grace to Mephibosheth.  I’m talking about stories like Adam and Eve.  People may know the names, but often they don’t know the details or the significance of the story.  Working with students has been a huge help in getting me to teach the Bible without presuming that everyone knows the background details.  Is it the people’s fault?  No, but if they are willing to learn, then we need to be ready for the task.

While I don’t quite grasp all that the term implies, I have read often that we are living in a post-Christian era in the United States.  Familiarity with Christianity can no longer be presumed.  In prior generations people were often exposed to the stories and teachings of the Bible.  Today, it is not surprising to talk with someone who has never heard anything about the Bible.  A few weeks ago we had a Chinese student come to our Sunday morning program which was the first time she had ever been to a church.  It was amazing to watch one of our students show her what a Bible was and explain what it was all about.  Unfortunately, the girl was not able to have a Bible at home because her parents did not allow it.  What a great reminder that we are often talking to students and adults who have hardly any foundation when it comes to the Bible.

Something that we have started to do is to use our Sunday morning times to go over basic theological things like sin, the Holy Spirit, and why read the Bible.  This has allowed our students to begin to develop a vocabulary of faith that they can build on.  We also make sure that we never teach a story from the Bible as being just a story.  Instead we are quick to point out that each story illustrates a theological truth.  We do these things because we know that it is so important to work with students on their level.  We also do it because if students cannot explain why they believe the things that they say they believe, their faith is not likely to endure.

An interesting exercise that will help us in our task of speaking on everyone’s level is to go back and listen to your talks and count how many times you used a phrase or word that only a well-churched individual would grasp.  It’s likely that you are unintentionally using a language that is foreign to many of your people.

I’m So Tired of Programs

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Warning: Young person rant has been detected below. 

It’s official.  I have now become one of those people who thinks the churchy ways we do things is just dumb.  I know that this makes me one of those young people who thinks all old things are stupid only to one day have young people think my things are stupid.  I know that there are reasons that our methodology came into being.  I know that it seems to work for so many churches.  Unfortunately, I still feel this way.  I am so sick of doing church the way that we have always done it.

Recently I listened to a conversation from the Church at Brook Hills regarding the discipling of the next generation.  They pointed out that today’s Church presently has the best curriculum, the best facilities, some of the biggest personalities, and even the most informed research that we have ever had when it comes to youth ministry, BUT we are seeing so many fewer teens becoming Christians and living out their faith.  What is the problem?  Did we get so caught up in improving our programs and youth rooms that we forgot what we were actually trying to do?  Did we think that a better logo would save souls?  Did we put our faith into our curriculum to the point that we forgot what that curriculum was supposed to do?  Did we decide that it was actually justified to spend 25 hours a week preparing our 30 minute Wednesday night talk that only a couple of kids would take to heart anyway?

I must confess that I am guilty of much of this, but I can no longer buy the lie that simply having a better set of events and weekly programs will grow our students’ faith and/or bring them to Christ.  Maybe this is one of those pivotal developmental moments that youth ministers are supposed to have.  Maybe what I am discovering is that my focus has been incredibly misappropriated.  What I am discovering is that making disciples is both much simpler and much more complex.  It is simpler because we don’t have to find the next gimmick or graphic.  It is more complex because now it means we have to significantly increase our engagement in the lives of the students.

I have about 25 students who are a part of my student ministry who I only see a couple times a month.  Some of these I only see on Sunday mornings if I look around in the worship center.  Despite dozens of invitations, these students have chosen not to commit to attending our programs or events.  I ask myself how much have I committed to them.  Why is it that I am defining commitment to attendance at a program?  Why is it that, outside of inviting them to events and weekly programs, I have very little to offer them in terms of discipleship?  This has led to a new set of questions.  How can I help in their discipleship process when they are with their parents or at home?  Is there a way to connect them to the church without forcing them to make a choice between their job or their sports and church?  Am I demonstrating through my approach that the only way to be discipled is to come on Wednesday and Sunday nights?

These are big questions, and I want to have answers.  What this does not mean is that I will now cancel all of my programs and events.  What is does mean is that I need to start looking at the programs as small parts of a bigger picture of discipleship.  This means putting the larger goal of making disciples in front at all times.  It means that I cannot do all of this by myself.  I can singlehandedly run a program, even a student ministry.  I cannot make disciples.  I need to start making disciplers.