Last night our church had an event where families are invited to come and make gingerbread houses. It was a lot of fun, but it was an example of an event where the pull between job responsibilities and family responsibilities becomes very evident. It was nearly impossible to find time to help my wife and kids make a house while also spending time with the students. At the end of the day, I felt like I had missed the mark for both groups.

Trying to figure out how to balance family and ministry can be really difficult. It has definitely been the downfall of more than a few ministers. So what is the answer? Who knows, but I think one key is to establish healthy boundaries, and I have found that one of the best ways to set up healthy boundaries is to clarify expectations. By letting your family know what to expect, letting church leadership know what to expect, and knowing what they expect from you is key if you want to make it all work. I could easily spend extra hours in the office, attend a student’s event/game/recital every night of the week, and have a video game night at my house every Friday. Honestly, if I did this, I would feel like I am one awesome minister. However, not only is that stupid, it is also selfish. My family is just as much my responsibility as my job, if not more.

And this is where boundaries come in. Understand that having healthy boundaries does not mean telling the pastor that you are theologically opposed to attending a Monday evening committee meeting or that you refuse to take the students on a weekend trip because Saturdays are family days. It does mean that you don’t take students on 52 weekend trips a year. It may mean evaluating whether it is really that important to have perfect attendance for the high school basketball season. It also means taking time to eat lunch with your family some days rather than finishing up a lesson. Maybe it means letting that project sit overnight so that you can come home from the office when you are supposed to come home.

Achieving a balance between ministry and family is difficult, but when you have found a way to serve both, you will realize that balance actually helps you to excel in both areas of your life.

Change is an explosive word, especially for churches. If you want to make people angry, simply suggest changing something. The mere mention of changing something causes heads to explode. For example, a minister can say something like, I think that we should put chairs in our auditorium rather than the pews. Pop! Pop! Pop! Heads exploding everywhere!

So is change scary, sure enough. It is also necessary. It is so easy to become stuck. Doing the same things over and over is so easy. I am extremely tempted to simply copy my events calendar from this year and apply it to next year. After all, most of the stuff worked fine. Unfortunately, ministry does not work like that. Like many student ministries, my group has completely transformed as new students have entered and the seniors have left. They are at a different level spiritually, emotionally, and socially. So I have the choice, stay the course or evaluate.

Evaluating your ministry will keep you alive, or at least will keep your ministry alive. Sounds serious, I know. What you are saying if you never evaluate activities or programs in your ministry is that you are right all of the time and could not possibly do anything better, ever. You are also saying that there is only one way to do things and you have miraculously discovered it.

S0 let’s just decide to evaluate. How are we going to do it? Glad you asked. First, start with a clean slate. Set the sacred cows free to roam, erase the calendar, and tell tradition that you are the boss now. Next, get a vision or goal. It is likely that you have been doing things because you do those things. Stop thinking like that. Start thinking about what you want your students to know, look like, or be like when they graduate your program. Ask God to shape your vision for your group. What is important to you? What do you want your program to be known for?

Once you know your focus, you can start brainstorming. When evaluating our gathering times and programs, we put it all on the table: Sunday morning small group, weekday small groups, Wednesday small groups, Sunday night worship, Wednesday night worship, Sunday night small groups, groups in homes, groups at the church, groups at coffee houses, worship in coffee houses…you get the picture. Know your options, and do not be tied to what you have always done. Do what is best for your students’ discipleship and salvation.

Now figure out a way to make this happen. Can your plans be implemented? Do you have the resources? Will people buy in? And now we have an important caveat, that while change is important, it also can take time. Immediate change in programs or even philosophy will cause heads to explode 99% of the time. Instead, come up with an implementation plan. Take small steps to get to where you want to go. It is not more spiritual to commit change abuse. If you want stronger discipleship, you might start with new curriculum, then new teachers, then new groups structures. Also, if you cannot communicate a convincing and motivating reason for changing something, go back to the drawing board. Change can be scary, but when done correctly, it honors the calling that God has given us and keeps most heads intact.