So I am organizing my office this morning for what has become about a weekly ritual, and as I put things away or throw things away, I can’t help but reflect on the randomness that this job has sometimes (really most of the time). Perhaps the best evidence of the randomness of this job is the junk that accumulates here. Here are some of the things in my office:

• I have amassed quite a bug spray collection. Our annual high school camping trip and our fall retreat have given me the resources to repel bugs for the next three years.
• One time I used a bunch of plastic Army men for an object lesson. After a few “visits” from some students, these guys can be found hidden throughout my office.
• For whatever reason, I cannot seem to throw away the youth curriculum kit from 1981 that sits under my desk. Maybe because it is a good reminder that while stuff might be cool now, in thirty years people will ask why it even existed in the first place.
• In case a bonfire just breaks out, I also have all of ingredients to make smores. I will say that the Hershey’s bars have been diminishing over the past few weeks.
• I have a record album entitled Jesus Sound Explosion from the 70’s. I do not, however, have a record player so I have no idea what it sounds like, but with a name like that, it was impossible to pass it up at the thrift store.
• I have a guitar in my office that I bought a while ago. I cannot play guitar or even tell you the names of the strings, but I used it for a prop for a sermon a few months ago and decided that it would be very youth ministerish to have a guitar in my office.
• I recently found a box of CD’s which at first seemed like a great find, but then I realized that these CDs were all from 1998. The upside is that one of the CDs is from a band called Phat Chance who was obviously a Christian version of N’SYNC. It’s a classic.

What’s great about having a random collection of things is that it reminds me that this job is often a really random collection of roles. It is also a job that has given me so many great memories. It makes you really appreciate what God has done and helps me anticipate what He will do in the future.

Have you ever wondered why students participate in your student ministry? I wonder that sometimes. I sit there and think, what brings these kids here to all these events. While I would like to think that it is because I am super awesome, I think that there are actually several reasons that students participate in our ministry. Each student comes for different reasons, and I have compiled a list of the types of students who come and the reasons that they do.

1. The Home-Grown Student–This student grew up in the church. His or her family has been a part of the church for a long time, and it was just natural for them to become part of the student ministry. For me these are some of the most committed students because they have a strong attachment to the program and church. Their parents also tend to be some of our best volunteers.

2. The Significant Other–Some students come to your stuff because they are dating someone in the group, and they are tagging along. As much as I would like to think that these kids will stick around after the break up, chances are they are temporary attenders. If they will stick around, it is because they formed relationships with the other girls or guys in the group while attending.

3. The Minister’s Kid–This student will be at most things because his or her parent works at the church and makes them come. You will be especially nice to this student because you will regard him or her as a spy for his or her parent. Note: they are not spies for their parents, usually.

4. The Community Kid–This student was looking for a place to fit in, and he or she found it with your group. These students come because they like the relationships that they have with the group. Maybe a friend invited them, or maybe you invited them, either way they found something that they were seeking and now they feel at home.

5. The Ladies Man–This guy comes because there are girls in your group-no more explanation necessary.

6. The Visitor–This student is checking you out because his or her family is checking the church out. The issue here is that the student may not have any connection to the group before attending for the first time. With a group that is a little insular at times, it takes a lot of effort on the leadership’s part to make sure that these students stick.

7. The Mystery–Some kids come and you have no idea why. There are some students who you see maybe a few times a year. What brings them back? Who knows, but you are excited to see them there. Then they disappear again, destined to return at yet another random time. There is hope, though. We have some great stories about mystery students who have become plugged in and big contributors to our program.

You may never know why some kids come to your group. Something that I have realized is that I have very little control over who comes and how often. We have had great attendance at some very average events and poor attendance at exciting events. Some of the best advice I have ever read, however, is that you never concentrate on who is not there, but celebrate the ones that are there. It doesn’t matter why they have come, just show them all the love of Christ and you will make a huge impact on each life.

I don’t have tremendous profiling skills when it comes to who will make for a great minister, but I have discovered one sure fire way to tell if someone is going to struggle in ministry. I will now reveal that secret to you. On a completely unscientific and data-less basis, I can tell you that 95% of the people who use the phrase “I don’t play church politics” will struggle in their ministries. Now you know. I don’t know about the other 5%, but God does work in mysterious ways.

Here’s the thing, most of the time what people mean by church politics is people skills. What they also typically mean is that they don’t care what people say or think, they will do things their way. Sure churches have politics with people and groups vying for influence. Is it the ideal way for a church to operate? No. Is it going to change before Jesus comes back. No. So let’s work with what we have.

Something that I really like about youth ministers is that they are often bold and innovative. Something that I really dislike about youth ministers is that they fail to appreciate the importance of people skills in a church when doing things that are bold and innovative. You can have a great idea for the youth room, but before you knock down walls, think about getting some support behind the idea. To do that, you will need to be able and willing to give your rationale and how it fits into your vision for the ministry. This of course takes time while just knocking down the wall takes like 30 minutes. You know what else takes 30 minutes, packing up your office. So make the time to communicate and get support.

Developing people skills also earns you goodwill. Attending the senior citizens banquet allows you not only to get to know your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, but you can also set the stage for asking for their help down the road. Developing a good relationship with parents gives you the benefit of the doubt when you and the students get back to the church 45 minutes late for pickup.

Let me give you another example of why it is important to develop relationships with all of your constituents. I know of two youth pastors who were let go (and several others who lost significant support) after addressing the inappropriate attire that some of the girls in their groups were wearing. It seems like a small matter, but when you lack the confidence of the parents, stories like these take a different shape. The minister is looking out for the boys of the group and trying to encourage the girls to be more modest. What the parents hear is that you are at worst staring at their daughters and at best challenging them on what they buy for their children. If there was some goodwill stored up from spending time with these parents, then perhaps what the parents would think is “maybe my kid does need to dress more appropriately.”

People skills go a long way with other groups whether it is your personnel committee, deacon body, or other church staff. What happens so often is that people think that working in a church should not have any of this political stuff so they will just rebel and refuse to play. But, it does not make you more spiritual to refuse to develop relationships in the organization. What it does make you is the person most likely to find a new place to work.

Last night our church had an event where families are invited to come and make gingerbread houses. It was a lot of fun, but it was an example of an event where the pull between job responsibilities and family responsibilities becomes very evident. It was nearly impossible to find time to help my wife and kids make a house while also spending time with the students. At the end of the day, I felt like I had missed the mark for both groups.

Trying to figure out how to balance family and ministry can be really difficult. It has definitely been the downfall of more than a few ministers. So what is the answer? Who knows, but I think one key is to establish healthy boundaries, and I have found that one of the best ways to set up healthy boundaries is to clarify expectations. By letting your family know what to expect, letting church leadership know what to expect, and knowing what they expect from you is key if you want to make it all work. I could easily spend extra hours in the office, attend a student’s event/game/recital every night of the week, and have a video game night at my house every Friday. Honestly, if I did this, I would feel like I am one awesome minister. However, not only is that stupid, it is also selfish. My family is just as much my responsibility as my job, if not more.

And this is where boundaries come in. Understand that having healthy boundaries does not mean telling the pastor that you are theologically opposed to attending a Monday evening committee meeting or that you refuse to take the students on a weekend trip because Saturdays are family days. It does mean that you don’t take students on 52 weekend trips a year. It may mean evaluating whether it is really that important to have perfect attendance for the high school basketball season. It also means taking time to eat lunch with your family some days rather than finishing up a lesson. Maybe it means letting that project sit overnight so that you can come home from the office when you are supposed to come home.

Achieving a balance between ministry and family is difficult, but when you have found a way to serve both, you will realize that balance actually helps you to excel in both areas of your life.